On 10 Reasons for the Wizard's Tower


Why do Wizards hang out in towers?

10. Symbolism! The tower is an ancient symbol of arrogance and hubris. Look at how high my tower reaches over my demense! Behold my power and glory!

9. Isolationism! Towers represent the idea of someone who wishes to remove themselves from polite society. They are above it.

8. Fortification! There is only one entrance. In order to invade, you must storm up the stairs. There is literally less square surface area to enchant/protect.

7. Visibility! If you wield vast cosmic power, you wouldn't want anyone approaching to be able to hide from you, no?

6. Display of Power! It takes knowledge, engineering and know-how to build a tower, otherwise every peasant would do it.

5. Protection! Robbery, Home Invasion, and Murder were commonplace. Nobody can just break into a tower -- the separation and height protect it from stealthy infiltration.

4. Power! Ley lines and magical sources are more corrupted near the ground. The higher the tower the more energy is available.

3. Peace and Quiet! Being up in the air like that gives you some distance from whatever distracting hustle and bustle is on the ground.

2. Freedom! It's cheaper then a castle and there's no lawn or grounds! Upkeep is easy and they can avoid all those distracting mundane tasks that they are forced to engage in.

1. Safety! It provides protection and a convenient excuse for all those irate peasants who are certain that you are the reason all their cows are sick.

And the number one reason for wizards to live in towers --

It's the most efficient layout for storing all their damn books!

Look forward to over 25 different mortars that Alchemists and Wizards can use to protect their homes in Alchemy coming soon!

9 comments:

  1. Perhaps this is in the visibility category, but the wizard can do astronomical observations from the roof.

    I figure that servants (apprentices?) are an important part of a wizard's tower. Someone has to do the cooking and the washing while the boss concentrates on research 16/7. (Gotta get that good night's sleep.) Not to mention, securing all of those live spiders, sulfur and such for components.

    I had this idea for an "abandoned" wizard's tower. From the inside bottom floor, You can see the roof. And the collapsed floor and stairs all about you. From the roof hatch, you can see down to the bottom floor. In fact, the top (inside) floor is still intact, with a hole cut through the center beneath the trap door. It's covered with an illusion and/or magical darkness. The wizard levitates up through the hole and steps onto the floor to access his hidden library.

    I figure any traps have to have "plausible deniability" so as not to attract attention. So: Ancient shards of glass concreted into the battlements long ago. Decrepit telescope on the roof that has poisonous gunk that will fall into your eyes if you try to use it. The last unruined stair is rigged to slip out and drop you onto a pile of sharp rubble. Hidden backup levitation scroll's compartment is occupied by a giant centipede. Etc.

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  3. 11. Contemptuous regard of siege machinery!
    12. Symbolic compensation for genital inadequacy!
    13. Lightning rods! Tesla coils! Flesh golems!
    14. Low area footprint - easier setdowns when dimension hopping!

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  4. "10. Symbolism! The tower is an ancient symbol of arrogance and hubris. Look at how high my tower reaches over my demense! Behold my power and glory!"

    And my giant wang.

    Wizards aren't known for their physical prowess. They need to compensate somehow and since the electric guitar hasn't been invented in most fantasy realms, they turn to having an enormous towers.

    :)

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  5. 11. Star gazing. You wouldn't want to have tree beaches interfere with your readings of the astrological signs.

    12. Line of sight. Many Rituals and spells are limited to line of sight. The higher the tower, the more territory you can affect with spells.

    13. Warning. A tower is like a light house: Stay away! Beware of powerful wizard!

    14. Protection Circles. These magical protections have a maximum diameter, not a maximum height. The dwelling has to fit inside them.

    15. Tower Seeds. When you buy a tower seed from the Wizarding Guild, they only sell the types that grow up (like trees). The sprawling campus seed is closely guarded and only shared with Wizarding Universities.

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  6. "tree beaches"?? Fucking autocorrect!

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  7. damn tree beaches! I hate it, hate it! when they interfere with my stargazing.

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  8. In the words of the immortal Bard: Tradition! (Shakespeare wrote Fiddler on the Roof, right?)

    Wizards build towers for the same reason they wear pointy hats - that's the sort of thing one does when one is a wizard. Sure, you could stargaze and peruse a library and engage in highly sophisticated experiments of an arcane manner in a nice villa or chateau somewhere, but then you'd just be some wierd crank. A tower makes all that stuff seem legit.

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