On the Alchemical Cure

Continuing the theme of yesterday, If you contact an Alchemist to cure you disease, roll 1d8 for the cure on the table below.


1. Collect 4 pigs, and allow them to be heavily infested with intestinal parasites and tapeworms. When the pigs are starving and feverish, You must boil a haggis of the worms and pig flesh in your own blood, then consume it.
1: You didn't boil the haggis long enough and the worms survived. The disease is now running rampant and you are infested with tapeworms.
2-4: You eat the mixture, but throw it up before it can do much good. Reduce the disease by 1 stage.
5-6: Success! The disease is cured! You still feel ill and feverish for 24 hours

2.Fecal transplantation is the cure. You must collect the fecal matter of a vegetarian and soak it in milk in the light of the moon overnight. Once complete, you pack the mixture in your mouth and ears for 12 hours.
1: Apparently that wasn't really a vegetarian. The cure fails.
2-3: The experience was so disturbing that it changes you. Roll once on the Critical Ruin: Social Anxiety table. Your disease is cured.
4-6: The mixture is surprisingly palatable and tastes minty! The disease is cured.

3.Bees have been know to be an effective remedy. The three step process involves inserting the affected organs into hives of agitated bees, then coating the badly stung arms in honey, then letting ants eat the honey off of the limb.
1-2: The cure is useless and painful!
3: It does cure the disease, but you gain a terrible phobia of beeeeees.
4-6: Cured!

4.Eyeball fluid is the only cure. The alchemist simply injects a needle into your open eyeball, and extracts some small few drams of jell. Once done, this is soaked into roots, which are then chewed to alleviate the disease. The eye even eventually heals. . . usually.
1: The cure fails and you are now blind in one eye. You have another eye to try again.
2-4: The cure works, but your eye is forever ruined. Your poor depth perception makes all ranged melee and spell attacks penalized.
5-6: The cure works, and in a matter of days vision returns to your eye.

5.The infection can only be burned out. Rot grubs, infused with burning elixir are left to burrow into your arm. They will burn out any sign of the disease and then, once cured, will be killed by the very elixir before they reach your heart and kill you.
1: The disease is cured! Sadly the rot grubs eat your heart before they die.
2-3: The disease is cured! But the damage they did to your internal organs permanently reduces your Physique by 2.
4-5: The disease is cured. Several charred lumps are expelled from your body.

6.The only cure is hydrocephalicy. The alchemist begins injecting first your joints and then your brain with purified, infused water. Though there is a risk of vivid hallucinations, the procedure is guaranteed to work.
1: The procedure doesn't work. The disease advances to the next stage.
2-4: The pressure from the fluid on the brain gives you vivid hallucinations and forces you to roll 1d6 on the Critical Ruin: Mental Damage and Illness table.
5-6: The cure works, with the only side effect being a mild ache in your joints before it rains.

7.The antidote for this particular disease is a virulent poison. However the poison only acts on the disease, having no negative effect on the imbiber. Usually.
1: The disease isn't cured, but the poison sure works on you.
2-3: The disease is cured, but you are also affected by the poison.
4-5: The disease is cured, and you experience no ill effects from the poison.

8.Smelted human hearts have been effective in treating this disease. Cutting the heart out of a dead body and burying it in most grave dirt for two weeks, then digging it up and eating it will cure the disease.
1: Your original disease is cured! But the rotten heart gives you another disease.
2-3: Although disgusting, it remains somewhat effective. The disease regresses one stage.
4-6: Smelted heart is somewhat tasty! The disease is cured, and you wonder what other delicious meats can be smelted.

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