On What You Dread to Hear

Happy new year!

Without further todo, things you don't want to hear at the gaming table!

"She's about a 36C." from a male describing his character.
"I rolled to hit the king because I'm chaotic neutral!"
"I roll to seduce the prince."
"My character is 12 years old."
"I check to see if the horse is female."
"Females have -4 Strength."
"I want to play an elf who was violently raped."
"My character is a vampire that doesn't need to drink human blood."
"This build allows me to take infinite standard actions."
"Your character would never do that, here's what you do instead. . . "
"You aren't allowed to know that."
"Your opponent anticipated that you would try that and stops you."
"Your character is out of commission, but don't worry, you can use a new character I rolled up."
"Well, obviously you weren't supposed to do THAT."
"You can't do that, there are no rules for it!"
"I don't think the game is realistic enough, so. . ."
"Can we use any third edition supplement?"
"PvP is allowed in this game, right?"
"Ok, let's split up!"
"Your character is black so I don't trust him."
"You're rolling better than me, so stop cheating."
"Hey, why does this die have two twenties on it?"
"They are beholderhydras - each hydra has beholders on the end of its heads."
"None of your cleric spells work because there are no gods and religion is a lie."
"Well how do we unsummon the demon lord?"
"I'm invincible."
"The DM would never do that."

And the number one thing you don't want to hear:

"Roll for anal circumference."

Alchemical Posts to return next week!


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